


Quitting (Is a Lost Cause)

by notyouranswer (gorgeouschaos)



Series: Defined by Echo [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Character Study, Gen, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22996681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgeouschaos/pseuds/notyouranswer
Summary: Jon isn’t nearly as concerned about being addicted to reading the Statements as he knows he should be.He already knows what it’s like to need something that’s killing you.(Or: three things Jon's been addicted to.)
Series: Defined by Echo [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646350
Comments: 4
Kudos: 89





	Quitting (Is a Lost Cause)

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all, this podcast is taking over my life.  
> Here's some angst. Hope you like it! :)

One: Caffeine

Jon is twelve when he starts drinking caffeinated tea. His grandmother makes a few comments about caffeine stunting his growth but otherwise says nothing. Jon supposes she’s too worn out by this point to care too much. He does his best to stay out of her way. 

He’s old enough to spend most of his time at the library. If he works his way through novels in coffee shops while drinking more cups of tea than he probably should, no one notices or cares. 

His hands rarely stop shaking, anymore. At least this way he can pretend it’s because of something besides his mind. 

Thanks to his roommate, Jon discovers the joys of coffee his first year of university.

Jon’s roommate is studying chemistry. His name is Sam. Sam doesn’t sleep much. (Jon doesn’t sleep much, either.)

Sam shows up with a coffeepot. 

It takes all of four days for Jon to try coffee. He decides it’s disgusting, adds a lot of sugar and cream, and tries again. 

It’s only a little less terrible.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Sam says, chuckling at the look on Jon’s face. “You get used to it, though. The need for caffeine overrides the taste.”

Jon shrugs and takes another sip. 

Three days later, Sam’s making a full pot instead of a half pot, and Jon’s buying coffee beans instead of teabags. 

The caffeine helps, at least in the morning. It makes his brain slow down a little, stops his thoughts buzzing as much, gives him have something to look forward to in the morning. 

And if Jon can’t sleep at night, well.

He already knows the reasons for that, and it’s not the caffeine. 

\---

Two: Nicotine

Jon’s first cigarette comes from the same person his first kiss does. The kiss is underwhelming-- it’s just so _wet_ , Jon really doesn’t get the point, even if Oliver does smell good-- but the cigarette is pretty memorable. He likes the all-too-brief calm it gives him far more than he likes the kiss. 

Smoking becomes a habit. When Jon and Oliver break up, Jon finds another person to get his cigarettes from until he turns eighteen.

Jon’s not stupid enough to pretend he’s not addicted. He’s a lot of things, but delusional isn’t one of them. 

(He may see things that can’t exist from the corner of his eyes, sometimes, but at least he doesn’t lie to himself.)

Jon knows he’s hooked. And he knows it’s probably killing him-- he’s spent more than enough time hearing about the risks of smoking and lung cancer. But the way the nicotine takes the edge off of his thoughts is hard to contemplate giving up. 

Besides, no one’s ever said Jon doesn’t have a bit of a death wish. 

Georgie doesn’t like the smell of cigarette smoke; Jon likes her. 

He quits, mostly. Or at least he cuts back enough that Georgie doesn’t wrinkle her nose when he walks in. 

Jon still keeps a pack of cigarettes in his nightstand drawer, though, even before Georgie leaves. They come in handy when he wakes up shaking with his hand raised to knock on a door that isn’t there. 

He manages to more or less to stay away from nicotine until he reads the first Statement. 

(After that, there’s always a fresh pack of cigarettes in his jacket… and a golden lighter in his pocket that burns to be used.)

\---

Three: Statements

Jon isn’t nearly as concerned about being addicted to reading the Statements as he knows he should be. 

He already knows what it’s like to need something that’s killing you. 


End file.
